It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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