Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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