Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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