I can text with my tongue
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
