he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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