dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
