so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
