Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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