You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
