The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
