Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
