in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
