Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
