Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
