i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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