A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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