tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
