Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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