She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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