Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
