So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
