I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
