Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
