Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
