loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
