she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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