This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
