If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
