I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
