Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
even my farts smell like vagina
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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