Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
