i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
