i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
