I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
