I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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