checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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