Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We need to rekindle our bromance
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
