he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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