I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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