New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
