Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
