with your own penis?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
