Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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