WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
