this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
