2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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