Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
