Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
