My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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