It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
