I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
