Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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