oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
