My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
