My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
