why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
