evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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