I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
