You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
