I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
