Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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