i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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