Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
