i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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