Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
high people should be assigned attendants
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
