At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This baby is an asshole
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
