I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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