I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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