you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
