Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
