I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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