Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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