We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
