Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize