Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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